God's Truth Not Smooth Words

Loving the Unlovable

Loving the Unlovable

©copyright 2006 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.

MS Musings, Feb. 2006 Issue   


“Let love be without dissimulation.” ~Romans 12:9 AKJV. Dissimulation: pretense, hypocrisy, deception – Webster’s New World Dictionary, College Edition. “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?” ~Matthew 5:46 AKJV


Everyone would agree it is easy to love the lovable and virtually impossible to love the unlovable; yet, our Lord has told us to do the latter, for therein is our reward of eternal life. Obviously, then, it is not impossible to do so. Still, how does one go about loving his or her enemies or a hateful neighbor, an abusive spouse, a rapist, a killer, and so forth?


The first thing to establish is the character of this thing called love. It certainly is not what mankind calls love, cannot be found where man indicates— outside self— and it definitely has nothing to do with sexual intimacy, this latter being motivated solely by chemistry. While God did make provision for this chemistry, He limits it strictly to husband and wife; therefore, a sacred act as opposed to the sport mankind has made it today: hook up with anyone who strikes one’s fancy— fornication and/or adultery.


Man also says there are different types of love: love for a child, a parent, a grandparent, a spouse. This is another of man’s misleading statements; for there is love and only love, much like sin is sin is sin, despite what the sin might be that one commits. Either we love everyone wholly, equally and without reservation, or we are dissimulating.


So, what is love? What does it act like? How does it speak? The entire Bible clearly sets out love’s character. For the purposes herein, however, love will be addressed through Paul’s citations in I Corinthians 8:1 then more fully in chapter 13.


LOVE EDIFIES — according to Webster’s, to edify is to instruct in a way that will improve one morally and spiritually, to build, construct. This certainly should be the love shown a child by parents building and constructing a moral, spiritual being from the day he or she is born, even a husband for his entire family; spouse included. This reveals that both mother and father must be living a moral, spiritual life; for a child learns more in the early years by what he or she sees, then this is expanded by what parents teach.


What about loving an abusive spouse? Does not the Word state, “Who are you to say he or she will not change?” Indeed, for if love is given without expectation, rather from a heart eager to give, to please, and the person fulfills the following character of love, then it is entirely possible for the abuser to change. Love conquerors all; but, if one walks away, then love was nothing more than dissimulation.


I Corinthians c.13 reveals the character of love as being a person who is long suffering, as opposed to getting even or walking away; love is patient; love is kind to everyone, even the unlovable; love does not envy what others have, neither their monetary value nor their persons; love does not boast of itself or brag about what it accomplishes; love is not vain.


Love also does not seek its own pleasures or even reciprocal love; love does not allow evil thoughts; love rejoices in the truth, therefore will not lie, saying rather what one needs to hear as opposed to what another might want to hear. Love bears all burdens, believes all things, hopes for all things good, and endures all things good or bad with grace and humility. Why? Because a person who truly loves is fully aware that he or she is not one whit better than any other person on this planet, not even the likes of Hitler or Saddam Hussein or any other person known for his or her brutality. 


All the above make up love’s basic character and nowhere does the Word specify there are different kinds of love based on myriad types of relationships: i.e. child, parent, spouse, friend, etc.


“Love is kind.” Kindness equates to many actions; such as our tone of speech. Does it come across as kind or harsh? Kindness encourages, rather than discourages. Kindness is grateful for all that any one does for it, humbly feeling unworthy. Humility has absolutely nothing to do with self-esteem; for it is a certainty that all those who truly love the Lord and have His love within them also have very healthy self-esteems: mainly because they do not look to be validated by mankind, recognizing only God’s validation.


Kindness also finds good in everyone, then points out the good to both that person and others. Kindness praises the kind acts and successes of others. Kindness always speaks the truth, well aware that, in the end, lies only destroy while truth builds. Kindness is to discipline a child when he or she rebels, for the world and God will be much harsher if the bad behaviour continues into adulthood.


Kindness is always doing for others without expectations or thought of self. Kindness is a teacher and counselor and a guide into truth. Love is kindness, and the list goes on. Love is filled with joy when giving without any thought of receiving in kind. Love is learning to understand what motivates a person in emotional pain, whether it is a child or adult or spouse; for in learning, then Love can meet the person’s emotional needs.


Love, great or small, is what can be found within a person; and, if that love within begins with the great love of God, then it becomes easy to love the unlovable. God is love and, unless we have God in us, we are incapable of loving the unlovable muchless capable of forgiving any sins they might commit against us. Additionally, the love for loved ones will be no more than a shadow of what it should be: it won’t come across as love.


Alas, any love we demonstrate while in such a godless condition will be viewed as nothing more than hypocrisy in the eyes of God. Even the wicked love, albeit conditionally and with reservation and only those on a specified list. These, quite often, are very unforgiving people who seek revenge by various forms legal and illegal.


Therefore, love also is forgiving, totally and irrevocably forgiving. If we say we love all of mankind, yet refuse to forgive one or more close by or far way; then, again, the love claimed is dissimulated, love claimed in hypocrisy, as far as God is concerned. Love is a word demonstrated by action; otherwise, it is just a word with no meaning.


It should behoove everyone to analyze what he or she calls love and determine whether or not he or she truly loves according to God’s definition. The beauty of discovering our shortcomings is that we have the power to change them, and such changes do not go unnoticed by God.


The bottomline is that love is a choice, by which choice we must first choose to love God, else we will never take on the true character of love. And, how can we know we love God? According to I John 5:2-3 and II John v.6, we know we love God because we obey all His commandments. Therefore, in loving God we automatically take on and project the true character of love.




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12 September 2006 - Posted by | Bible, Bible Related Articles, Bible Study, Christ, Christianity, Church, Diety, Divinity, Faith, God, Holy Spirit, Jehovah, Jesus, Religion, Salvation, Spiritual, Spiritual Study, Theology, Truth


  1. This is an insightful read. Thank You

    Comment by msluvable | 21 December 2011 | Reply

  2. What about loving an abusive spouse? Does not the Word state, “Who are you to say he or she will not change?” Indeed, for if love is given without expectation, rather from a heart eager to give, to please, and the person fulfills the following character of love, then it is entirely possible for the abuser to change. Love conquerors all; but, if one walks away, then love was nothing more than dissimulation.

    On this statement the word “Possible to change” also could mean a “possibility of not changing”. Should it then be that a physically abused wife and kids still remain with their abusive husband/father despite the violence and the existence of laws against it? Should this mean that if a wife/kid is a Christian believer, then he/she should tolerate the violence, and in the case of a wife, let her children suffer the same? That a wife and a mother should ignore the effects it can have on the kids’ psychological thinking? But why then do we have laws against it? Why do the government intervene in domestic violence? And when do you then say enough is enough? Should we wait until someone dies? Didn’t God also says we are shepherds of our own body and life?

    Would you really go live with a violent person, a rapist, a murderer, a psychologically deranged person, even if it meant you and your kids death?

    I believe that to those who have escaped a life of abuse, God has shown them a way out. Mercifully laid them a better path because He has better Plans, a brighter hope. He knew that even an abused person deserves love and blessings as well.

    The Voice of the Abused

    Comment by The Voice of the Abuse | 22 July 2009 | Reply

    • You might want to read some of my other Bible lessons, especially the ones on marriage. While I do not advocate divorce because it is against God, I also do not advocate a woman staying with an abusive husband; both for her sake and the children they might have. However, leaving does not mean divorce. When counseling, my recommendation is that the woman leave with her children but on the previso that the husband get help to overcome his distructive ways, saying something to this effect: “I love you and always will, but I cannot stay with you for the sake of our childen. I will not divorce you and we will return IF and WHEN a doctor says you are now healthy and no longer a threat to me or our children.”

      Many women who have left and seek a divorce, often get killed by the spouse. The abuser loves but does not know how to show it, for he or she was a victim as a child. So, it is all he or she knows until they get help.

      However, I am reminded that our Lord advised that we are better off suffering than to go against God’s Word, for we truly are suffering for Jesus and He suffered for us. Still, the above is what I recommend in order to not offend God, who is far more important in the end than the abusive spouse. There is much about God and His ways and Why that you still need to learn.

      Nevertheless, thank you so much for reading the lesson and for the comments.

      Much love in Christ,
      BonnieQ 🙂

      Comment by bonnieq | 22 July 2009 | Reply

    • I should have added to my response the following two very important facts:
      1. Look around you at this vast world filled with chaos, rage, and brutality indicating that the end draws very near. Believe nothing you see with your own eyes or hear with your own ears, for all of this is one vast illusion designed to draw us closer to our Father, to bring us back home wiser and hating with “a perfect hate” that which our Father hates with a justified hate.

      2. It is not what happens to us by others that, in the end, our Lord judges; it is what we do with those things either to good or evil. Since there will be no marriages in heaven or the new earth, our hearts should be on pleasing God; for in the end, that is all that counts.

      Again, much love in Christ,

      Comment by bonnieq | 23 July 2009 | Reply

  3. Thank you, Will, for pointing out that obvious typo! 🙂 I shall make that correction immediately.

    Lots of love in Christ, BonnieQ 🙂

    Comment by bonnieq | 6 November 2008 | Reply

  4. Love the article:) – The first verse reference should be Matthew 5:46, not 6:46.

    Comment by Will | 5 November 2008 | Reply

  5. i need this

    Comment by Chris | 24 March 2008 | Reply

  6. Great article on Love! Thanks for sharing it. Somehow the misconception about “degrees” of love has crept into the Body. . . I too bought into this thinking until I begin to seriously study God’s Word. In doing so I’ve come to the conclusion that there cannot be different types or degrees of love. The Word teaches us that there is “no variation or shadow of turning” of God . So, if He is Love, than Love cannot have variations. Love is Just Love!

    Comment by Tonichia C. Gayle | 26 March 2007 | Reply

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