SEVENTH SEAL LIBRARY

God's Truth Not Smooth Words

Cinderella Syndrome

Cinderella Syndrome

©copyright 2007 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.

Cinderella Syndrome? Is this clinical terminology? It is and counselors use it as a diagnostic term to describe angry, out of control children who live with one parent and a stepparent or even abusive parents; kids who automatically assume that all stepparents and abusive parents are evil thus act out their confusion, sense of abandonment and rage. Several years ago, this issue was covered in a lesson about parenting; however, this syndrome also impacts marriages much more than people realize.

“The French Cendrillon,” penned by Charles Perrault in the 1690s, is believed to be the original “Cinderella;” of this latter, similar tales of wicked stepmothers and prince charming saving an abused princess are found in nearly all cultures. However, the originals were not written as children’s fairytales; they were novel length works intended for adults, which explains negatives in “Cinderella” that destructively impact children.

Tales such as “Cinderella” and “Sleeping Beauty” create unrealistic, and often unfair, expectations of stepparents or abusive parents and future marriage partners. Many, but not all, children who grew up on these classic fairytales automatically assume stepparents are wicked and immediately will set out to derail that vile person who dared to disrupt their life: girls dreamed of being swept away by a strong Prince Charming, who saves their lives, loves them unconditionally, and gives them everything they want; and, our boys expect to become mesmerized by a beautiful, sweet, loving Princess, to whom they willingly would give the world on a silver platter. Both believe they will be saved from a wicked stepparent, or abusive parents, then go on to live happily ever after. In their world of make believe, life is sweet smelling roses void of thorns.

It’s irrelevant to have taught that these are just fairytales, not real life; especially if parental role models are less than examples of a godly union. A child is impacted at such a young age that he or she does not understand the explanation; and, if it be they also have a stepparent or later gain one or have an abusive parent, fairytales become all that much more of a realistic hope to him or her: an abusive stepparent or poor parental example transfers to a prince or princess with marriage being this child’s escape to perfect love, one that usually will fail miserably. When reality does not match the fairytale outcome, divorce courts open their doors and slam down a gavel with ominous finality on what only seems to have changed from wicked stepparents or vile parents to evil spouses.

Today, there are a number of excuses given courts of law to justify the abominable action of divorce: infidelity, abuse, abandonment, misrepresentation, going in different directions, no longer on the same emotional level, no longer “in love;” though the most popular excuse cited in legal petitions is irreconcilable differences: sounds better and neither party suffers public blame.

The point of divorcing: “I made a mistake. He isn’t my prince charming” or “she isn’t my beautiful princess;” albeit, the more popular phrase is, he or she “isn’t my soul mate.” And, they just KNOW that their soul mate is still out there somewhere patiently waiting for them; thus, adulterous remarriage becomes the solution.

Notice the word “excuses” above; for God considers not one of those excuses to be a valid reason for divorce. Although, He does allow a man to divorce, IF and only if his wife has committed adultery, but He does not allow a woman to divorce her husband for any reason. Jesus taught forgiveness; so even in cases of adultery, divorce is not God’s solution for troubled marriages.

It is sad that people are astounded when a couple reports having been married 40 or 50 years or, as the Quesinberry grandparents, married for 72 years when grandfather died at age 96. People instantly ask, “What’s your secret to staying married so long?” The Quesinberry’s would have said that, despite grandfather’s early infidelity and even abuse, God’s plan for marriage was the reason for longevity.

This Cinderella Syndrome defines marriage as it being all about “me, myself, and I:” what marriage can do for “me,” what the spouse can do for “me,” about how much the spouse loves “me.” To enter a marriage with such self-serving expectations is a sure ticket to divorce courts. On the other hand, God directs us to look outside self; therefore, marriage is supposed to be about loving the spouse and doing all we can for our spouse. It should not be about what the spouse can do for self.

Marriage also is about reflecting a oneness that mirrors our oneness with God; thus, marriage is all about pleasing God by our obedience to His earthly marriage rules. After all, marriage applies in this lifetime only; for in the eternal life there will be no one given in marriage. Our total focus then, as genderless spirit beings, will be our awesome Father and His Christ, our Lord and Saviour who is our future husband.

We, as parents, need to be aware of how fairytales might impact our children’s future behaviour; therefore, we need to be very cognizant of any negatives such stories might be forming in our kids’ minds. If negatives are there, then don’t allow those fairytales for young, impressionable children. Let them read them as adults who, hopefully, have been thoroughly taught God’s way by the time they read those fables.

And, of course, we need to be setting the very best possible examples for our children to follow. God’s Word provides everything we need to be great husbands and wives from the get go, to assure marital longevity void of becoming a national statistic. Being godly husbands and wives results in becoming the best parents. God’s Word tells each spouse what He expects of him and her, explains their respective duties designed for each— providing no room for focusing on whether or not the other spouse is doing what he or she should be doing— and God explains how to parent the children He loans to us.

The single biggest mistake couples make is to believe they must please their spouse or lose him or her. We never can fully please another human, not as long as we are in these finite bodies and Satan roams around looking for victims to devour with lies. But without any doubt, we can please God: we’ve only to follow His rules for husbands and wives, which directs us to focus on being the best self can be without any regard for what the other spouse is doing or not doing.

As with all things concerning our heavenly Father, we are judged solely on self-behaviour; so, in reality, it does not matter what our husband or wife is doing right or wrong. In fact, if we are committed and work at being a godly person, spouse and parent, odds are in our favor that, eventually, the noncompliant spouse will change his or her behaviour simply by what they see in us. The Word charges, “Who are you to say your mate will never change?” Refer to “Discipline Self.”

Wives and mothers, are you teaching your daughters how to be godly women and showing your sons how to recognize a godly woman so that, when it is time, he will make a wise choice in his choice of mate; your children seeing it in your behaviour and reinforced by your teaching of God’s Word on the topic? Husbands and fathers, are you raising your sons to be godly men and showing your daughters how to recognize a godly man so they will make a wise choice in husbands; showing them by your behaviour and instructing them according to God’s Word on the subject?

Every answer we need to this temporary life’s many issues is found only in God’s Word. So, don’t make the mistake of looking for happiness to come from another human, where it never will be found. God told us where to find happiness, “Happy is the person who obeys God’s Law.” At best, other people can only enhance our happiness, though we cannot always count on them to do so; but they never can take happiness away from us when God is the One to have given it.

Below cited are all relevant scripture references; however, for a clear understanding, it is most helpful to read them gathered into one place; as in the AKJV Topical Bible “Truth Gathering,” the only Topical Bible available that includes ALL relevant scriptures quoted verbatim. Please note that references below are taken from the Authorized King James Version Bible; other versions often differ due to hazardous omissions, deletions and erroneous definitions that depart from original language intent:

HUSBANDS: Genesis 2:22-24; 3:17-19; Exodus 22:19; Leviticus 18:22-23; 20:10,15-16; 21:7; Deuteronomy 22:5; 24:5; 27:20-23; Proverbs 18:22; 21:9,19; 22:24-26,29; 24:1-7,9; 25:23-24,28; 27:12; 28:12-14; 29:22-23; 31:3-6; Ecclesiastes 7:1-6,8-9; 9:9-10; 11:8-10; I Corinthians 7:1-16, 25-29,32-33; 11:3-12; 6:14-18; Ephesians 5:25-33; I Timothy 2:8; 3:2-5; Titus 2:2,6-8,11-15; I Peter 3:7-13

WIVES: Genesis 3:16; Deuteronomy 22:5; Esther 1:20,22; Proverbs 19:13-15; 27:15-16; 31:10-31; Ecclesiastes 7:26,28; I Corinthians 7:2-5; 7:10-11,13-17,34, 39-40; 11:3,8-9,11-12; II Corinthians 6:14-18; Ephesians 5:22-24; I Timothy 2:8-15; 5:14-15; Titus 2:2-5; I Peter 3:1-6

PARENTING: Proverbs 13:23-25; 19:18,26-27; 20:11,20,29-30; 22:6,15; 23:24-26; 26:3-5; 28:7,9,24; 29:3,15,17-18; Ecclesiastes 4:13-14; 11:10; Matthew 15:4-6,~7; 19:19; Mark 7:10-13,19; Luke 18:20; Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:20-21

DIVORCE: Genesis 2:22-24; Leviticus 21:7-14; 22:13; 24:1-4; Jeremiah 3:1; Proverbs 6:32; 30:18-20,23; Ezekiel 16:32,35,38,43-44,~45; 33:15; Hosea 2:2-3,5~,6-9; 4:~1~l,2,3; Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9; Mark 10:10-12; Luke 16:18; John 4:6-18; 8:3-5,7,9-11; Romans 7:2-3; I Corinthians 6:13-15,18-20; 7:1-4,10-16,39-40; 11:3,7-9; 14:34; Ephesians 5:22-24,33; Colossians 3:18; I Timothy 2:9-15; 5:11-12; Titus 2:3-5,11-12; Hebrews 13:4,17; James 4:4; I Peter 3:1-2; II Peter 3:1-2,17; Luke 22:40,46; Matthew 5:48; I Thessalonians 5:22; Isaiah 32:9-12 — keep in mind Ecclesiastes 7:26 and James 4:8 as well as consider Proverbs 31:10-28

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Resource: “Truth Gathering,” chapters 4, 5, and 17; Husbands and Wives, Parenting, and Divorce, respectively; pages 139-148, 309-318, respectively; “Truth Gathering” ©copyright 1998, an exhaustive AKJV Topical Bible of all critical-to-salvation subjects, fully annotated for definition and comprehension. Book Review: “Every Christian should have this topical Bible as a study companion to their Bible.” Available by order from any local or online bookstore: Amazon.com offers lowest pricing.  

~~ end Sabbath Lesson 03/10/07

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10 March 2007 - Posted by | Bible, Bible Related Articles, Bible Study, Christ, Christian, Christianity, Church, Escatology, Evil, Fathers, God, Homemaking, Husbands, Jehovah, Jesus, Love, Marriage, Mothers, Parenting, Religion, Self Help, Spiritual, Spiritual Study, Truth, Wives

8 Comments »

  1. I just want to say I’m very new to weblog and certainly liked your website. Most likely I’m likely to bookmark your website . You definitely have great well written articles. Thanks a bunch for revealing your webpage.

    Comment by Columbus Tall | 16 February 2011 | Reply

  2. […] Cinderella Syndrome « God’s Warrior Handmaiden – HUSBANDS: Genesis 2:22-24; 3:17-19; Exodus 22:19; Leviticus 18:22-23; 20:10,15-16; 21:7; Deuteronomy 22:5; 24:5; 27:20-23; Proverbs 18:22; 21:9,19; 22:24-26,29; 24:1-7,9; 25:23-24,28; 27:12; 28:12-14; 29:22-23; 31:3-6; … […]

    Pingback by Proverbs 18 22 | Christian Singles | 2 April 2009 | Reply

  3. how dare you tell women that it’s ok for a man to have affairs, but that if a woman has an affair that it’s ok for a man to divorce her? Who died and made you God? You call yourself a God Fearing Woman? Don’t tell women this! Women have been blamed for everything since the begining of time! How dare you blame women in the name of the bible that was written by men!!!? Stop this abuse of women!!! Do you not see what some men do to women in the name of what the bible supposely says? Do you not hear about domestic violence? What is wrong with you???

    Comment by gladys | 12 June 2007 | Reply

  4. Thank you so much, Micky, for sharing your experience of Jesus making an incredible difference in your life when all seem hopeless. He is the only way and the only one who can make a difference for all us and this world.

    Much love in Christ 🙂
    BonnieQ

    Comment by bonnieq | 7 May 2007 | Reply

  5. About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].

    Peace Be With You
    Micky

    Comment by Micky | 7 May 2007 | Reply

  6. Thank YOU, Cumby! 🙂 In learning these things, brought to even greater light as a counselor, I had my times of saying “ouch!” LOL! As you say, sometimes we learn by painful experience. Would that we had learned by instruction, but there was so much our parents did not know and little information outside the home and, certainly, not enough being taught from the pulpits. Praise the Lord, we live in a different age now, where virtually anything we need to know can be found: well, that is, I speak of things dealing with this life. it still is difficult to find God’s Truth Speakers, we number so few and stand in no denominational pulpit.

    So! Let me know when you get your post done on the parallelisms. For most fairytales, though, I would not have guessed the authors to have been grounded in the Word of God; especially where blame is laid on others. Some years ago I wrote a fairytale epic poem, “The Ice Princess;” my goal was to have NO negatives, the moral being to take responsiblity for one’s own actions, despite what others might have done.

    I don’t think I’ve posted it here at W/P. I must do that one day. 🙂 I do have it posted over at All Poetry, http://allpoetry.com/bonnieq

    Thank you so much dear friend and, once again, thank you for spreading God’s Word through your weekly reading list! I can take all the help I can get. LOL! *grin*

    Much love and hugs in Christ 🙂
    BonnieQ

    Comment by bonnieq | 12 March 2007 | Reply

  7. “don’t make the mistake of looking for happiness to come from another human, where it never will be found.”

    Now there’s a truth which we’ve all learned by painful experience. A lot of this post made me go “ouch!” But I’m grateful you wrote it.

    I’m putting together a post on the parallelisms of fairy tales and the Bible. I suspect many of the authors were grounded in the Word of God. Thanks as always, BonnieQ

    Comment by cumby | 12 March 2007 | Reply

  8. […] Original post by bonnieq […]

    Pingback by weasel verman » Cinderella Syndrome | 10 March 2007 | Reply


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