“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another . . . The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” ~ James 5:15-16 full quote below; Branch Davidians Update, re: Sunday 04/17/11 CNN special; Prayer Requests for others
Extra Oil: God’s Handmaiden Confesses
shared by Remnant Doctrine Keepers (RDK) 042211
©copyright 2011 Bonita M Quesinberry 041811
—— “The prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” ~ James 5:15-16
—— “Save the sick” does not mean only illnesses of our flesh but of all things that affect righteous behavior, “faults” that impede the “purification” process. We have prayer requests for others; and, Sister BonnieQ comes to “confess her faults” to our brethren and to seek only “your fervent prayers” on her behalf. First, the following is an excerpt from one letter-of-four mailed by her daughter, Sister María, in order to give you an idea of the what and why for Bonnie’s confession; which follows thereafter:
—— “The undersigned is both daughter and State appointed caregiver for HSN customer Ms Quesinberry (67yo in June). About 8 months ago, her Multiple Sclerosis— since age 8, diagnosed at 23yo— was diagnosed as having entered “rapid progression.” She also has Lupus, RA, heart problems and other health issues. In the last 5 years, she has suffered a statistically fatal brain aneurysm, broken back 4 times, broken ribs, and has been living in a HUD subsidized housing nightmare of management and tenant abuses.
—— “At the onset of seizures, convulsions and black outs, my mother elected to give up driving and lost most of her independence; which resulted in depression and actions totally unlike her usual financial restraint; the most damaging of which are the sudden orders from your company and 2 others we are petitioning. Her excellent credit is in jeopardy, for she cannot pay 2-Visa credit charges amassed near or at $20,000 and she has nothing to collect from an estate at death. She does not remember making most of the orders and was unaware of all charges until recently notified.”
—— Dearest Brethren, “Truth is Love” and I love each of you; so, please know that what has happened was not intentional and it has not in any way affected my ability to fulfill God’s assigned tasks. The hardest thing I had to do was tell my daughter what I had done: aside from the fact she is my daughter, she is also my caregiver and communicates with all my doctors. When I added that she must want to ground me or some other measure of punishment, her response was, “Wow! That is totally unlike you; but I don’t think I need to do anything, Mom. You already are beating yourself up terribly and are seeking solution.” The next hardest thing is to confess to you, my brethren in Christ. Still, I must do as James’ scriptures direct.
—— I have gone to our Lord for His forgiveness and guidance to understand what happened and why, the best solution and to find what there is to learn from the awful experience. Added to the reasons in the above letter is the fact that, for the last 10 years I have been persecuted for God’s Truth I give the world, and for the last year I have been a prisoner in my apartment because of abuses and false complaints. I am a people person, so not interacting with my neighbors and speaking my mind are foreign to me.
—— In March, I became aware of what happened between November 2010 and March 2011, four months of being brainless and temporarily insane: excessive charges to my two Visa accounts for purchases from QVC, HSN and ShopNBC. One of my Visa’s allowed $5,000 in over limit charges “before rejecting” additional charges and notifying me. In fact, it was HSN that first notified me because a “flex- or value-pay” was denied. At the time and not knowing the full extent of damage, I gave them my other credit card.
—— On top of the above charges, in February I made a $200 error in my check register, for which my bank took a cash withdrawal on my bank Visa but did not contact me; thus, I was oblivious of the overdraft. I have never made a mathematical error regarding my checking account because I always run a double calculation to prove balance. Apparently, that time I did not: another nail of depression. I did not even do a bank reconciliation and did not notice the $200 deposit on the next bank statement. I learned of it when the cash withdrawal showed up on the Visa statement; although, at first I did not question it; thinking it was part of the charges I had made. Du—uh!
—— I was devastated upon learning just how much I had charged as well as the bank overdraft. Until now, I was debt free, “owed no man,” and never in my life had I done such a foolish, irresponsible act. In addition to prayer, my first response was to accept a pre-approved credit card offering no interest for 18 months and had planned to transfer my outstanding balances knowing that no interest would mean lower payments. They withdrew their offer when it was learned I had co-signed a loan for my foster daughter’s car a year ago; which was not a problem in that I knew she would pay and has been paying that loan. She desperately needed the car for her job.
—— God’s response to my prayers was that I contact QVC, HSN and ShopNBC to ask them to willing take back all that I ordered in exchange for credit to my Visas. They have their money, so they are not obligated to accept returns for credit; especially considering their 30-day return policy has expired. María mailed those letters; and, she is mailing a letter to the Amazon Visa who allowed the over limit charges. Another letter might go out to Bank of America Visa, if needed. While I did make a few payments of about a total of $1000, before the balances soared, I cannot continue to make payments now that they total almost $700 per month, OR I will not eat and cover co-pays on necessary meds: my monthly SS income is only $1011, about 65% below poverty level.
—— Never in my life have I experienced depression; burnout yes, but that is an entirely different situation and set of behaviors. As a counselor, I understood the malady to some degree but had no idea what it felt like or how it affected behavior and memory. María lives in Oregon and comes up as caregiver when I have doctors’ appointments; so, she had no idea that something was wrong. When I received notice and by God’s plan, it jarred me out of depression’s darkness; though I still have no memory of most of the orders I made but do have the proof in products and current billing statements. It seems I simply kept putting away the items and, sight unseen, was not aware of the volume of clothes, shoes, bags and jewelry: things of this world, which also greatly troubles me.
—— While this is devastating to me and I am desperate to clear my name and accounts, I have learned much from this experience: now I understand how those who suffer depression think, which they do not, and act. For over 21 years, I was married to a man who suffered depression as far back as he could remember; yet, I never understood how he could look at a $5 monthly increase in debt yet not understand the impact on our full debt obligation, how he could appear to function normally yet blind to what he was doing, how he sabotaged himself in the process: all I knew at the time.
—— Now I understand how depression functions on a daily basis and the fervent prayer needed from us for all who suffer. Fortunately and unlike those many, I am not and will not need meds for depression. In fact, I was on an antidepressant several years ago as solely a remedy for chronic pain. It had the negative effect of causing me to sleep walk and suffer mild depression that I could recognize. I was off the med immediately; albeit, that med possibly could have added to this experience. I have learned by God’s reasoning that this was due to combined, unrelenting events that ultimately overwhelmed me.
—— What I do remember is watching those programs, another thing I had never done, seeing something I liked, thinking I needed a few new clothes, and noting that the “flex-pay” or “value-pay” was only $8 or $12 or $19 per month for 2 or 3 or 5 months coupled with what I thought were only a few full price charges. I saw only those value-pays, surely easy to pay. In all cases, I thought I ordered only one of an item, yet I found in my closet “one in every color” of a number of garments; yet, I remembered only that I wanted it in, say, gray or blue or black.
—— To see now what I have done is disconcerting at best and, at worst, frightening that I could do these things with very little memory of it. There is no doubt in my mind that God snatched me out of a depression that many people suffer for ever. The moment I exited depression, I instantly asked our Lord for His forgiveness and asked for the understanding of not only what happened but also to comprehend how it happened while also seeking guidance in how to remedy the disastrous results. It especially concerns me, not only because we are instructed to “owe no man,” but also because we are so close to seeing our Savior in the clouds. I desperately want to be in the clouds with him.
—— I asked God if this could be due to MS because depression is common among MS patients, though I had not experienced it, or could it have occurred due to part of my right temporal lobe now gone and possibly affecting short-term memory. The understanding He gave me was that it was not due to either possibility; instead, it was due to emotional overload during the last 5 years or so, as noted in the letter excerpt above, compounded by continued abuse and being a prisoner where I live. If I had been aware, I might have avoided these consequences: it was so gradual over the past year that I was not aware, instead I thought I handled well the persecutions, abuses and loss of independence.
—— Perhaps even, this also happened because I had always taken “pride” in the fact I was self-disciplined and handled my finances responsibly, that I would NEVER do such a thing. We all know “pride goes before a fall” and it is not a part of Christ’s righteousness. I thought, erroneously, that I had shed “pride” at least 15 years ago when it was made known to me that it was “pride” to NOT ask for or accept help when needed. Well, I obviously did not cover all the pride and assumption bases. Still, I feel compelled to add another charge to my sins: coveting. Surely I coveted the many “things” those programs offered. I do not recall ever coveting anything, but it does make sense in this situation. As you have read, my sins are many in this case, sins I sincerely never want to repeat.
—— To ease your minds, however, please know that I have cut up and thrown away the only two credit cards I had in order that this never happens again. A few have suggested bankruptcy in that the credit card companies can charge off the debt, but I do not want to do that. In my mind, to take that route would be equivalent to theft. I desire a solution that is equitable and do-able for both them and me; it is neither my wish nor God’s will that I avoid financial responsibility. My greatest fear, for which I earnestly pray, is that I do not lose God’s Seal upon me since 1976.
—— For total purification to occur before Christ arrives, as Biblically taught, God made it clear to me that I still had a part to erase: not only of pride but also in thinking people choose to be depressed when there is an easy remedy that they are not willing to pursue; so here I go again. All they had to do was reject it in Christ’s name? True, but on the other hand, how does one reject something of which they are unaware?
—— Pride and assumption, two thoughts man has taught we should have: believe a person chooses a negative path as opposed to choosing a positive; pride in our work, pride in success, pride in self-sufficiency, pride that God chose us, pride-pride-pride. We have nothing, are nothing and are not chosen by our own strength, also of which we have none on our own. Thus, I ask that you also ask our Lord for Him to show you if there is “assumption” and/or “pride” or “coveting” or, as the Pharisee, “thanking God that you are not like the lost” or any other sin of which you might not be aware; for we all must be purified of all sins, be we aware or unaware, “before” Christ returns so to Him we can be “presented a righteous people presented.”
—— I humbly ask each of you to pray on my behalf that Jesus not only forgive these actions but also that a fair remedy occurs, one I can handle, and that this never happens to me again or happens to any of you. While my mind always has been clear concerning the gifts God has given me and of the tasks that come with those gifts, I never again want to experience such a total lack of self-control and self-discipline. It amazes me that a person in depression can be clear in one matter yet blind of another: know this to be true.
Branch Davidian Update:
—— Sunday night, 04/17, CNN aired a special 2011 documentary about the Waco travesty that began 28 February 1993 and ended 19 April 1993, supposedly in memoriam to all who died— “Faith, Fear and Fire.” RDK found it odd that CNN did this just one month after RDK presented its 03-18-11 “Extra Oil: EG White Warned,” which included the Davidians’ story. Until two weeks ago, there was no mention of a new documentary. This led some RDK members to suggest it was a Federal response to RDK’s presentation.
—— After all, we do know that the Feds have been monitoring RDK’s online activities for quite some time, as is the World Council of Churches who in the last month began sending emails to us that contain only a title of topic but no link to it. As you might recall, in the year 2000 RDK sent an email to the World Church requesting its list of members. They either checked their archives for our email address or gained it from one of our websites, either Remnant Doctrine Keepers and/or Seventh Seal Library.
——We feel certain Federal authorities were not amused with the truth about the Constitutionally illegal and unnecessary assault that killed 86 Davidians, among them at least 24 children according to CNN. Their presentation showed numerous film clips of ATF’s attack on Waco’s Davidian compound in Texas, and included interviews with only three survivors; two of which were a married couple actually in the compound at the time and a woman who had left the Davidians well before there was any threat. Another survivor was interviewed but not taped live. And, they interviewed yet another man currently clearing the property with the intent to rebuild both the buildings and the faith.
—— The couple evacuated their three youngest kids but lost their four oldest children to the fire those tear gas canisters forced into the building at high velocity, had caused several explosions of either natural gas and/or butane. In mere minutes, the building was fully engulfed; only a precious few adults and children escaping through a nearby exit.
—— As they previously blamed the Davidians for everything, ATF and an FBI negotiator, that CNN interviewed for the 2011 documentary, claimed Koresh ordered the fires set and said they had an audio tape of him giving the order; which they did not play despite having aired numerous tapes of talk between the negotiator and Koresh. The couple, on the other hand, denied Koresh ordered fires set or that he set them. Koresh already was suffering several gunshot wounds, one of which he showed on video, thus was not moving about the compound.
—— The FBI negotiator stated that, based on his numerous conversations with Koresh, he had determined and reported to ATF that Koresh was “a manipulative narcissistic with psychopathic tendencies,” further stating, “The members are low self-esteem people easily manipulated into following whatever Koresh said.” The couple declared, “Wow, they didn’t give us much credit,” and adamantly stated they would not have joined the faith if they had felt that Koresh was not directed by God. To this day, they feel he was an oracle of God. On the other hand, the above woman said everyone believed Koresh was the Messiah incarnate and accused him of saying he was the Messiah.
—— On one video Koresh, taping a plea for ATF to back off, said ATF was “putting members and my wives (plural) and children in danger.” This does not really support ATF’s claim that Koresh was sleeping with a lot of women and certainly does not prove “sex with kids,” the latter of which the couple denied ever happened. Koresh also videotaped only two “wives” with children, one of the wives pregnant with her second.
—— Contrarily, the above one survivor woman said a number of women began having children by Koresh after he purportedly delivered a “message from God:” the men were not to have sex, even with their wives, and that he was the only one to have sex in order to increase pure membership numbers for the time of Christ’s return: she was afraid of being the next woman, though she did not state why she believed this but did leave the Davidians, nonetheless. The couple declared her statement to be untrue. The other man interviewed but only his picture shown, joined the Davidians later. He found nothing amiss and believed Koresh was gifted with God’s Word of Truth.
—— As for the “arsenal” the Davidians supposedly had, an ATF video of weapons purportedly retrieved after the building burned to the ground was aired. It might be difficult to prove all those guns belonged to the Davidians; however, during the 51-day siege Koresh did a video showing how the group repaired weapons to sell at various gun shows, which is well documented and which, as he said, is not against the Law in Texas.
—— The last man noted above is currently in the process of rebuilding the compound buildings for the purpose of restoring the original California Branch Davidian faith established in 1955 by Victor Houteff, whose leadership later was succeeded by Koresh. The man was the one who first warned the Conference SDA church of Koresh’s activities and, at the time, suspected he was a danger to the church. He later learned the truth about the Branch Davidians’ beliefs and of Koresh’s teachings, deciding then to rebuild the compound and faith for these perilous Laodicea times.
—— While it is obvious that Koresh erred when it came to having more than one wife, he was nevertheless willing to die for God, Christ and his belief in both as well as God’s Word Truth; at least concerning God’s seventh Sabbath. Like the Mormons, Koresh showed scripture that he felt proved God wanted him to have several wives and many pure children to increase the size of Christ’s church. None of the members disagreed.
—— The FBI negotiator readily admitted everything that happened was unnecessary and, in the end, had pleaded with ATF to back off and leave the Davidians alone. Moments later and already angered by ATF’s four dead and six wounded, they launched the final full-scale attack using military tanks and armed ATF ground agents. The rest is a history that sent to all Sabbatarians a clear warning of what is to come soon. But only a few will die, if not already counted as Davidians, for Christ will not be far behind. We must be totally purified in time for that glorious day so incredibly near.
Dearest Brethren, please know that BonnieQ asks for nothing of you, only humbly asking your forgiveness of her confessed faults and asks for your prayers on her behalf as well as all the brethren. Bonnie gratefully thanks each of you for fervent prayers as she also prays for each of you to continue to have faith in God’s Word He has given her for all of you.
Also, we ask prayer for our brother and RDK member Weldon: his health failing rapidly and currently is in an Oklahoma City nursing home. Weldon is Sister María’s dad.
Do not put yourself in danger of losing your Seal, as Bonnie feels she might have endangered God’s Seal upon her. That has to be a painful feeling, for such a loss is the greatest fear we all should experience. Fear of God is a good thing.
Much love and prayers,
Sister BonnieQ, God’s Handmaiden
Seventh Seal Library
Vol. I: Uncommon Common Abuse of Seniors and Elderly
©copyright 2008 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.
For some time now, the Holy Spirit has been nudging me to share my story of the last year and a half; and, I’m sure TSaS members have been wondering why my move from Belfair to Shelton seemed to shut-down all TSaS activity and Sabbath lessons. While the title hereof may seem contradictory, it is not; and, this is a story that will unfold over the next few weeks of Sabbath installments. My willingness to share it now is due to realizing that this isn’t just about me: it’s about the largest human demographic in this country, each and every senior and elderly person. (seniors – 52 up to 62, which includes our baby boomers; elderly, 62 and up, I am 64)
We all are familiar with news reports of senior and elderly abuse by grown children, caregivers, care homes and nursing homes. In today’s wicked environment these reports are all too common. However, there is a more insidious abuse occurring by the higher powers that be in our nation, those at the Federal and State levels: common to those experiencing the abuse but uncommon for the lack of reporting and no action to change.
Fear drives all such seniors and elderly to silence— that is, until the Lord decided to set me down right in the middle of it, knowing I would not keep silent and I haven’t. The fear injected in these people is that of suddenly finding themselves on the streets going hungry: if they talk. Alas, I have remained silent when it comes to broadcasting it as far and wide as possible; more because I don’t usually indulge in talking about self ad nausium and certainly don’t like to dwell on my health issues: I fair better by ignoring them and leaving all to God. Nevertheless, my prayer is that each of our members will follow these events to conclusion, take the time to investigate the situations of their senior and elderly loved ones, and to spread word demanding change in unjust systems.
At the Federal level, we will be looking at HUD subsidized housing; and, at the State level, obviously we will scrutinize the Departments of Social and Health Services where a very large demographic of seniors and elderly, disabled or otherwise, go for medical (Medicaid, supplement to Medicare) including DSHS contract doctors and food assistance and, sometimes, cash assistance in the form of supplemental income to augment a tiny Social Security benefit.
For the most part, these are people who, like me, never dreamed in their wildest nightmares that they ever would end up having to turn to these systems into which they had paid dearly over the years. Unfortunately and like me, death of perhaps a spouse and/or health issues can instantly change our plans. BUT! What benefits we get, we paid for long ago: so, we are NOT getting free handouts. That distinction belongs to the many who do abuse these systems.
In order to set the scene for you, I will need to share my medical history; for there are parts of this story involving DSHS that would not be clear without it. All of you know I experienced a statistically fatal brain aneurysm in 2005, my daughter having advised all of you, and in 2006 broke my back. Then, in 2007, I had to move according to the agreement that my friend Betty’s son had made with me after her death. There will be a quick flash back to when I first entered subsidized housing before moving to Betty’s. First, my medical history and diagnoses below (please forgive the necessary lengthiness):
History: (Medical Diagnoses follow History)
At age 6, patient fell almost 30-ft, sustained numerous internal injuries, including misplacement of ovaries, uterus, and kidneys, head trauma to right temporal lobe: unconscious 3 days. Ensuing year she contracted, first, simultaneous double pneumonia and German measles (nearly died), then mumps and chickenpox. Age 9, she sustained another head trauma to right temporal lobe: was blackout blind for 3 days and lost 20-20 vision until 12yo (astigmatism and far-sightedness), at which time 20-20 vision returned. It was determined that her skull is too thin thus concusses quite easily with little force.
Later scans reveal right temporal lobe damage: epileptic center (Petit Mal). Age 8, patient began passing out in temperatures above 70 degrees: was not doctor examined. In recent years, she can overheat in temps as low as 60 degrees. Later in life it was determined that by 12yo all symptoms of MS and Lupus had manifested. Age 10, patient nearly fell 20-ft but friend caught her: doctors determined she has no sensation of height, tends to slowly lean toward ground unaware until unconscious, then falls. At 10, broke left foot in 3 places after jumping off a pier into what she thought was deep water but was shallow.
Following birth of first child in 1963 (age 19), she again lost 20-20 vision (same diagnosis as above): 20-20 vision returned again in 1967 several months after birth of second child (third pregnancy) and remained good until 1990 (46yo).
Age 27 (Jan 1971) following birth of fourth child (sixth pregnancy), patient nearly died of pancreatitis, one relapse 2 weeks after first remission: remains in remission to date (NOTE: Ms. Quesinberry has never been an alcohol drinker or drug user, which at the time stymied her doctors). Three months later, she had emergency complete hysterectomy due to continued bleeding following birth in January (told she should have never had children: 6 pregnancies, 4 full term – one daughter died in 1971, another in 1972).
Prior to 1971, patient had 6 minor surgeries (D&C every 6 months due to cervix inexplicably sealing shut) and one major to remove a grapefruit size cyst from right ovary: surgery revealed severe fall damage to kidneys, especially the right, and ovaries. Doctors later suggested removing gall bladder, felt it was diseased, and tonsils: she refused. She experiences many flu-like symptoms, despite being non-flu seasons (common to Lupus). At the time, it was thought she had a weak immune system.
At 43yo, patient moved from Texas to Washington State. At 46yo (1990), patient had two heart attacks within two weeks (no damage to heart): had produced no biles for previous 45 days, gained 30 pounds in 30 of those days, and lost 20-20 vision over night (which has continued to deteriorate to date, as noted in Medical Diagnoses List below). Additional severe injuries to back of skull: 1) slammed against brick wall at 45yo, severe pain for 15 days yet a Washington doctor diagnosed sinus infection despite location of pain; 2) fell on ice, slamming head first against concrete driveway at 52yo, severe pain for 14 days. Essentially bedridden during full time of severe pain.
Age 24, diagnosed with Degenerative Vascular Disease and considered at extreme high risk for brain aneurysm or major stroke or cerebral hemorrhage (brain aneurysm occurred in 2005, age 61): appearance of lesions led doctors to believe she had experienced numerous small strokes until MS was diagnosed in 1983. She was told she could not work if she wanted to live to see her children grown. She worked another 32 years. Broke back, 2006-62yo, in standing position. At about 39, doctors finally connected the dots to diagnose Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus along with other maladies already discovered.
It also was determined that the patient cannot take most pharmaceutical drugs, inasmuch as her body tends to react violently: some stop her heart or send it into tachycardia, others cause inability to swallow and/or tremendous pain in liver and/or pancreas, difficulty or inability to urinate, vomiting, etc. At 55yo, Seattle’s Social Security Judge ruled that she may refuse or accept drugs according to her knowledge of her body, also allowing her to take various herbs and OTC remedies that she knows help, same to be treated as medical expenses with respect to DSHS benefits and HUD subsidized housing.
1965-21yo, she nearly died from a penicillin shot thus cannot take any ‘cillin’ antibiotics and most pain meds such as dental gas, Codeine, Vicoden, Demerol, Percoset, Morphine and all derivatives (none of which ever addressed her pain): Oxycodone, 10 to 20 mg per dose, only known pain med she can take yet experience zero side effects while definitely addressing her pain. She has tolerated most anesthetics used in surgery or other invasive procedures such as colonoscopy: best to check with specialists/surgeons who conducted tests or did the brain surgery (Dr. Sharma, Bremerton/ Dr. Shakar, Harborview).
Because of inability to tolerate and/or process most drugs and all invasive procedures, she must be monitored minimum of 24 to 48 hours, or longer: depends on reactions after procedures. Her Texas doctors tested only by first admitting her to hospital, usually for up to seven days or more. She has lived with daily mild to severe pain since age 6, which is ongoing as well as intensifying as her body deteriorates primarily from MS and Lupus.
Numbers appearing in parentheses ( ) reflect patient’s age when diagnosis made:
Multiple Sclerosis & Lupus, all symptoms present/brain covered in lesions (39 & 55)
Degenerative Vascular Disease (24 in TX, again at 55 in WA)
Rheumatoid Arthritis (12)
Osteo-arthritis, mild beginning (64)
Osteoporosis, mild beginning (64)
Petit Mal Epilepsy, seizures of a catatonic nature, controlled by deep concentration:
first given Dilantin for 2yrs until side effects, then valium-10 4x day until she
learned to control by deep concentration method: has been effective. (23)
Heart Dysrhythmia, skips beats (23)
Tachycardia, treated 1-yr with Enderol, now comes and goes (31)
Scoliosis, mild (23)
Cervical Spine curved in wrong direction, top two floating vertebrae press against spinal
cord: advised that a hard slap could kill her (45)
Severe Migraines, determined cause due to various diseases, non-tension (18-27)
Hypo- & Hyper-glycemia, vacillates between, controlled with diet (23)
High Blood Pressure, following brain aneurysm: still not under control, should be 96/60,
therefore surgeon deems her at high risk for another due to both B/P and the fact
she already has had a bleeder; must avoid stress. Treating with Propranolol 80mg
2x day and 1-50mg Cozaar per day (61)
Bladder: microscopic blood in urine due to weak blood vessels in bladder, has
experienced severe kidney or bladder infections in past (55?)
Collapsing veins: when invaded by smallest of needles, the vein will collapse and cause
a sympathetic collapse in opposite arm; during a recent MRI, 6 veins collapsed
before administering dye in seventh vein, which then collapsed as well; also has
petikiel [sp] hemorrhaging on various parts of her body and eyes
Visual Disturbances, double and triple vision (wears trifocals), back of right eyeball is
misshapen, early glaucoma, small tear in left eye, often extreme pain in the eyes,
and pain in sharp rotation of eyes: vision constantly changes, sometimes glasses
useless (MS can cause instantaneous/irreversible blindness) slow reaction time from dark to light and from close to distant
Known Natural Allergens:
1) cedar; 2) ragweed; 3) mold — each cause severe migraines and lethargy
4) Histamine produced by human body — was given a series of 3-IVs to
desensitize her in 1968 or 1969: doctors said it should be done again about
every 10 years: she has had no such procedure since then
Perhaps everyone can understand why I prefer to think on other things, like spreading God’s Truths, as opposed to my health or even these outside trials and tribulations. God is in control and, like Paul, I rejoice in my afflictions and persecutions as Jesus said we who follow would. Now my story begins.
Over the years I enjoyed very lucrative careers, ultimately bought a home here in Washington and three years later had to sell it. I had been unable to work since age 53, but prior to that I had been running an in-residence teen counseling program in my home as well as my executive position with a Water District: this latter being from which I had to resign. I used all of my retirement benefits in order to stay in my home until the last teen had successfully completed the program. Thus, at age 55, I had to sell it and move into HUD subsidized housing as well as apply for social security disability benefits (the same calculated on what I had paid in over the years).
Bremerton Housing Authority was impressive, not only in how they treated me but the instruction they gave me: “You have an impressive background, excellent references and reputation; so, don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you are getting freebies from the system! You have more than paid your fair share of dues, so what you are getting back through Housing and DSHS, is merely a small part of your own money.”
I took the advice to heart and the first two years in a subsidized apartment were uneventful. The third year, however, proved to be a nightmare involving a change of site management and a new young neighbor next door, who proved to be a raging alcoholic that partied all night with his surround sound at full power.
This would be my first introduction to abuse by those in housing control; albeit, I was out of it very quickly. Nevertheless, I was abused by the neighbor when I attempted to resolve the issue with him directly, then again by management when I finally when to her: I was told, in writing, that if I complained again, I would be evicted: punish the victim and let the perpetrator off to torment others. The depth of the abuse I would not truly know until I moved from Betty’s to Shelton in May of 2007.
Well, this ends the first installment of my story. Next week will reveal the depth of abuse just in HUD subsidized housing and how it is ongoing today; and, the week after we will get into abuse by DSHS, abuse by both HUD and DSHS that easily is considered reckless endangerment and, in the event a recipient were to die from the stress, could lead to wrongful death. Remember this, you might need it to protect one of your loved ones. In the meantime, ask yourself this, “Do you really know how your senior and elderly loved ones are doing? Are they really as okay as they smilingly tell you?”
To Be Continued 20 December 2008
Eyes On the Clouds
©copyright 2003 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.,
published in MSMusings Magazine,
“Looking Forward” Aug 2003 edition
An eternal optimist: consistently looking forward while bombarded by our world’s filth and wickedness, illnesses and diseases, false accusations and persecutions, even blasphemous teachings. There is but one way to continue onward in the midst of humanity’s corruption: God Almighty. Only He has power to pull our defiled gaze upward to the clouds, despite it all.
An MS/Lupus thorn may pierce the side, yet cannot defeat a positive spirit. It hurts, but why despair over a little suffering? Is it as great as Christ endured on our behalf? Definitely not. Besides, smiles and laughter create much nicer lines, in spite of Lupus skin aging prematurely while MS ligaments and tendons suddenly and painfully atrophy, temporarily twisting bones in unnatural ways. So what if there are times when walking is almost impossible, if not outright unachievable; or, hands cannot open a jar or pick up a penny? It is just the outward garment, not the inward person. The mind’s spirit-of-the-heart remains sharp and focused; so, don’t speak as though it is a failing. Instead, smile sunshine on both sunny days and cloudy, stormy ones. It eases everyone’s pain.
Looking forward always has been a way of life for this writer, clearly never understanding pessimists. How do they think? Are they blind as well? For it is a certainty they neither see God’s beauty around them nor sense His abiding love. Looking forward is far more pleasant, even rewarding. Can one thing be changed about yesterday or preset into the future? Nothing. Yesterday and tomorrow are just that—nothing: one is past and the other yet to arrive. One is to grow from, the other to grow into. Thus, power is in today; yet, we all look forward to better than today. Why not make today the best, a perfect day created by Adonai for all to enjoy? After all, tomorrow might never come.
This optimist does look forward to people discovering the books Elohim inexplicably directed her to pen. More importantly, she eagerly awaits Christ’s return, her sometimes triple-vision brown eyes on the clouds: as He instructed for these end days. Isn’t that neat? Sometimes she gets to see three beautiful moons and more than one North Star! Now is so temporary, not worth fussing and moaning and groaning and complaining about. Seek the permanent; that place where there is no sickness, no pain, no hunger, and none homeless or naked: an Eden free of MS, Lupus and all those other maladies of a sick and dying world.
Gazing ahead, Apostle John said, “Nevertheless, come Lord Jesus!” And so, I look forward to His arrival bearing wondrous rewards: the greatest gift being in our Father’s presence, set free of this restrictive flesh forever. LOOK FORWARD!
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Blessings In Disguise ©copyright 2005 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.
Is there anything good about having MS or Lupus or one or more of a host of other diseases? Most readers know that this author lives with those two and more; but, many may not be aware that, about eight weeks ago (06/25/05), I experienced a deadly brain aneurysm and, ultimately, underwent the prescribed surgery.
The prognosis was not good: Dr. Sehkar advised my daughter that he did not think I would make it to surgery; but, if I did, the outcome would be either my death or in a perpetual coma or, at the very best, I would awaken but be paralyzed and unable to speak. Well, none of those things occurred. I was moving and talking when I awoke in recovery and the doctors— there were five on my neurosurgery team— declared me a miracle defying statistical odds. The huge aneurysm was above my right eye in the right temporal lobe, our motor center; in fact, it blew just as they were about to clamp it.
What surprised doctors even more was the fact I laid on my sofa for five days, without dying, before my neighbor Judy insisted on taking me to the hospital. Ironically, I had been diagnosed with degenerative vascular disease at age 23 and declared a candidate for major stroke or aneurysm or cerebral hemorrhage; thus, it was nothing short of a miracle I had made it to 61 before doctors’ predictions came true.
My doctors stated that most people don’t know they have a brain aneurysm until it’s too late. Asked what I thought was wrong with me, I responded, “a weird migraine.” It was different than any migraine I’d ever experienced, most of which pain I would have rated a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 or like being hit by a Mac truck.
This headache, however, came on suddenly and unexpectedly; so, heed doctors’ warnings about sudden unusual headaches. Albeit, for several years prior to this event, I had experienced such headaches on a less intensive scale but they would pass, usually within 24 hours. In this case, however, it felt as though my ears inexplicably closed up to cause tremendous pressure.
Almost instantly, an explosive pain hit the base of my skull and engulfed my entire head, followed by what I can describe only as mini-explosions traveling down my spine all the way to the tailbone: I would learn that this latter was blood spilling from the brain into the spinal column. When asked to rate the pain, I compared it to being hit by a 747 jet plane; so big it makes a Mac truck look like a toy. This pain never stopped.
Still, I went into that hospital 5 days later declaring God’s protective wings over me and telling the doctors that very fact. And blessings? I’ve always been blessed by MS, Lupus, and even this aneurysm. Because God’s Holy Spirit has shown me God’s ways, I do not take man’s medications for the diseases or migraines and I eat as the book of Genesis indicates: all natural. So, I’ve been blessed with only episodes rather than steady decline.
As for the aneurysm, so many blessings came out of it that I hardly could count them all. I received calls from poet friends from all over the country as well as flowers. My daughter quickly arrived from Oregon and my ex-daughter-in-law flew in from Texas, this latter of whom I’d not seen in 11 years, though we often talk on the phone. My friend of over 40 years, Anita, flew up from Texas, my surrogate granddaughter from Florida and another from Texas. Local friends also surrounded me. I’m not sure I realized just how blessed I am with such a volume of friends and family until this happened. Even my son called the house from Texas!
My daughter took care of my finances, my home and gardens and my ferrets; then reported more blessings! She also went online to my various ministry websites to advise members and to ask for their prayers. María said the first two days she was here, the phone rang nonstop with calls inquiring after my health and stating what I meant spiritually to each caller from all over the world: Africa, Australia, England, Germany, New Zealand, Canada, and all across the United States. This astounded me, for I had no idea my mission for Christ had been having such an impact! What a blessing this was, for it confirmed that I must remain here to continue His work of spreading His Truth!
The obvious blessing, of course, was the fact God assured that I did not fit into any medical statistics! Obviously, Jesus is not ready for me to rest until shortly before His glorious return. The less obvious blessing in all the health issues I’ve grappled with since age 6, is each time Lucifer attacks my body, unbeknownst to him he confirms that I belong to our Father and our Saviour Christ. After all, Satan need not attack his own.
The greatest blessing, from my perspective, was from the beginning— even the five days I lay on my sofa— I considered this trauma an opportunity to witness of and for God and His Son Jesus: to my neighbor who was raised atheist, then the doctors and nurses and even my roommate, with whom I eventually shared a hospital room, and her son!
In the beginning, it was proposed that I might be feeling a bit of fear and, perhaps, even a slight panic. I recall speaking to Anita within minutes of the explosive event, during which time we immediately began praying: in effect, putting God in charge. Despite the most horrendous pain I’d ever felt in my life, I adamantly stated, “I’m not the least afraid or in a panic. What I feel is a foot-stomping rage at Satan! He screwed up my plans for the day!” Little did I know he’d actually messed up my plans for the year!
Another blessing was one of the doctors on my team, a young resident. Before surgery, I had advised them to note on my chart “DNR— do not resuscitate— and NO LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES.” When asked if I had that in writing, I responded pointedly, “No, but I have a background in law and each one of you is a witness to what I just said with my own mouth; therefore, you are legally bound to honor my wishes. Also, my children know this is my desire; so, if you don’t honor it, my daughter will be all over you like fleas on a dog!” The neurosurgeon grinned and instructed that my chart be so noted.
Nevertheless, that young resident was obviously troubled and visited my room several hours later to ask me why. I advised, “You nor any other man will bear the burden of my life or death. I shall live or die solely by the hand of God; and, I shall not have my family put through the trauma of life support machines, et cetera.” He pondered my words, then looked into my eyes with a soft smile and said, “I understand.” I know he did.
Of course, the doctors were a bit evasive after surgery when I told them the right side of my throat was sore, “Oh, well, we will put you on some antibiotics.” Naturally, it was sore because they did have me on a breathing machine during surgery and had removed it before I awoke. I had to laugh when my daughter told me this after I arrived back home weeks later; after all, that was typical procedure for this type of surgery. And, the only disservice those doctors did? Well, while they had my face pealed back, the least they could have done was give me a facelift in the bargain!
I am recovering slowly, living with pain for a while longer, still do not have full use of my right eye but it is opening a little more as time passes. I do know that if I had not gained strength and endurance over the previous two years, there would have been a very strong possibility that I would not yet be walking or the outcome could have been dramatically different.
So, I share with all of you: get plenty of exercise, fresh air and sunshine, eat healthy live foods, pay attention to anything unusual going on in your body. And, most of all, put your life in God’s capable hands: after all, He is the great physician, knows these bodies quite well as our Creator, is the giver and taker of life, and His timing is perfect.
UPDATE: 09/17/06— here it is fifteen months since the aneurysm and, until four weeks ago, I had been progressing just fine: within two months of the surgery I was mowing the acre of lawn, maintaining gardens, driving and shopping, etc. Today, my right eye is completely restored. Satan is so enraged, however, that he has yet to succeed in shutting my mouth for God: he’s been attempting to kill me since I was six years old.
Thus, on August 20th, he broke my back: he thought surely this would stop the Truth I spread for God. After all, surely I would not be able to walk or sit at my computer and, surely, I finally would curse God. As I had done when I went down with the aneurysm, I went down this time saying, “You are NOT winning this round, either, Satan!” And, I immediately began speaking with my Lord. And, as with the aneurysm, I was outside and had collapsed where no one would have seen me, muchless have heard my screams for help. And, once again, God got me up and as far as my neighbor’s house. She heard my cries for help and came running.
The first option the doctors gave was surgery. “We aren’t going there,” I said. So, two weeks in a nursing home for rehab. “Well, we aren’t going there, either. I have to be at home to care for my ferrets.” The final option was to test pain medication to see if it would allow me to walk with a walker. It worked and I came home the same evening.
My daughter arrived two days later and I began chiropractic treatments (low impact, he works above and below the break to keep everything else in alignment). Immediately, Lupus kicked in to shut down my digestive system, bowels, and a severe bladder infection developed virtually over night. A 3-day round of antibiotic was in order. For the other problems, I knew which herbs I needed and I’m taking them. It is now 4 weeks down the road and I am doing very well, having weaned myself off all meds except late evening for pain. I hope to have that dose eliminated shortly; after which, I will put myself through the colon cleanse program to get all those drug toxins out of my body. And, my ministries never even felt the wrench Satan attempted to throw into the works.
Like Paul, I’d rather have adversities and illnesses and persecutions than to lose Christ within me and the Holy Spirit who empowers me; though incredibly unworthy I am, I remain eternally grateful that God would choose this sinful Eve to be one of His handmaidens. He changed me completely from the inside out. I am especially awed that He even bestowed incredible gifts of the Spirit upon me, a mere unworthy woman.
Remember God’s words, “I do not bring these adversities upon you, but if you will give them to me, I will turn them into blessings.” He has done just that for me each and every time Satan rears his ugly head.
God is good, God is faithful, God keeps His promises, and He has never let me down. Give your whole life to Him and He will never let you down. May all of you readers be as blessed as I have been blessed!
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